No one knew the abuse that went on in our home, as we all learned to keep it hidden. No one knew my wish to make it stop. And later, no one knew the fear that overwhelmed me and drove me to hit and hurt the ones I loved most.”

This book exposes the thinking, beliefs and actions of a child who grows up to find himself being the abuser in his family. We follow his story from before childhood to the beginning of his journey to stop his violent and abusive behaviors.

“We can”t solve problems by using the same kind of
thinking we used when we created them.”
Albert Einstein

Domestic violence can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic, or
psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This
includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten,
terrorize, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, injure, or wound someone.

Physical Abuse: Hitting, slapping, shoving, grabbing, pinching, biting, hair-
pulling, biting, etc. Physical abuse also includes denying a partner medical
care or forcing alcohol and/or drug use.

Sexual Abuse: Coercing or attempting to coerce any sexual contact
or behavior without consent. Sexual abuse includes, but is certainly
not limited to marital rape, attacks on sexual parts of the body, forcing
sex after physical violence has occurred, or treating one in a sexually
demeaning manner.

Emotional Abuse: Undermining an individual’s sense of self-worth and/
or self-esteem. This may include, but is not limited to constant criticism,
diminishing one’s abilities, name-calling, or damaging one’s relationship
with his or her children.

Economic Abuse: Making or attempting to make an individual financially
dependent by maintaining total control over financial resources,
withholding one’s access to money, or forbidding one’s attendance at
school or employment.

Psychological Abuse: Causing fear by intimidation; threatening physical
harm to self, partner, children, or partner’s family or friends; destruction of
pets and property; and forcing isolation from family, friends, or school and/
or work.

Domestic violence can happen to anyone regardless of race, age, sexual
orientation, religion, or gender. Domestic violence affects people of all
socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels. Domestic violence occurs
in both opposite-sex and same-sex relationships and can happen to intimate
partners who are married, living together, or dating.

Domestic violence not only affects those who are abused, but also has a

substantial effect on family members, friends, co-workers, other witnesses, and
the community at large. Children, who grow up witnessing domestic violence,
are among those seriously affected by this crime. Frequent exposure to violence
in the home not only predisposes children to numerous social and physical
problems, but also teaches them that violence is a normal way of life – therefore,
increasing their risk of becoming society’s next generation of victims and
abusers.

Sources: National Domestic Violence Hotline, National Center for Victims of
Crime, and WomensLaw.org.